THE UNWITTING MEMOIRIST
July 31, 2021
*E Pluribus Unum: Out of many, One
Do not put your hand with the wicked to be an unrighteous witness. You shall not follow a crowd to do evil;
Exodus 23:1-2
One of the very first things that happened right before I surrendered to God was that I stopped listening to people. I had quit my job; the money was running out, I was facing my first eviction but I didn’t want another job. Who would believe in a miracle with me?
When I think back to this time, I often think about Martin Luther, a monk and theologian who in the 16th century experienced a spiritual crisis brought on by the total corruption of the Catholic Church. Simony was rampant, a practice in which the Church “sold” repentance, and the papacy was bloated with land and money. In times like this when it seemed that society had gone too far, how could you trust the majority?
When I’d gone to people who claimed to believe in God, they never mentioned God but worldly advice. And I grew more agitated because I already knew what they would say—the way they’d been saying it my whole life, and I was afraid because I didn’t want to be alone with what I knew I had to do even though I’d been all my life.
And, well, you know the rest of the story. The 12 spies that God sent to scout Canaan returned with a bad report that spread fear through the Israelites and caused them to rebel against God’s plan for them. All but 2 of the spies. Caleb and Joshua out of the congregation implored that their faith be in the protection of God and not in the fear of the Canaanites. But the majority believed the false report over God and refused to enter the Promised Land; the Israelites called for a return to (slavery in) Egypt and the appointment of their own leader; and the stoning of Caleb and Joshua. Their anger punished them with 40 years of wandering in the wilderness because they could not overcome their fear, while Caleb alone inherited the Promised Land.
With the power of all that is Right in you, the world will fall around you, as the Catholic Church and the unity of medieval Christendom had begun collapsing—collapsed when Martin Luther posted his critiques or what came to be known as the 95 Theses on the Castle Church door, Wittenberg Germany in 1517.
I laughed with them about it all on the telephone the other day, recounting the afraid advice they’d given me way back, it seems, so long ago. They were stressed out, they said, always stressed—something always wrong. And I knew that to be me, still stuck in the world, wandering in the wilderness had I of listened.
Acts 5:29
But Peter and the other apostles answered and said: “We ought to obey God rather than men. The God of our fathers raised up Jesus whom you murdered by hanging on a tree.”
*e pluribus unum is the motto of the United States
Sincerely,
The Unwitting Memoirist
P.S. For more Bible Study content, click here
July 28, 2021
Man Calling Libraries to Masturbate on Supreme Court Case
I mean, I’ve called the library many times throughout my life … inquiring if they had a book, an article … trying to get my own book stocked; but, I swear, my hands were nowhere near my private area when I made these calls.
It seems as if an unidentified man has been calling libraries across these United States to ask that a Wikipedia entry for a Supreme Court case be read to him. I don’t have a computer, he says; and especially in this climate you’d not only fall for it, but praise it. Good for you, you’d say. Technology is coming to be the downfall of us, you’d opine shaking your head, closing your shawl tighter around your shoulders. You think about Satan and wonder, OK, now where were we? Oh, yes, This nice young man who would like to ‘write it out by hand’, until you start to read and he begins panting and shouting: “Oh yeah, give it to me. Give me that exculpatory evidence. Spank those prosecutors!”*
It turns out that this guy has been getting off to a landmark Supreme Court case that, well, gets people off. It’s called Brady v. Maryland ; and it comes from a 1963 decision that declares that if prosecution has any evidence that might exonerate you, they must give it up to get you off. That’s right. The government must turn over any (exculpatory) material to defense counsel that might exonerate a criminal defendant, as was the case with John Brady who, along with Charles Boblit, participated in a robbery in 1958 that resulted in the death of an acquaintance. Though Brady stated throughout his trial that Boblit had actually committed the murder, and prosecutors had a written statement from Boblit saying as much, a Maryland jury found 25-year-old Brady guilty of first-degree murder. Prosecutors never turned over the statement to Brady’s defense team, and Brady was sentenced to death. Some people only start developing an interest in libraries when they’re facing death prison time or the bar. Sigh.
Brady challenged the conviction, and his sentence was reduced to life in prison because here in America we have the right to a fair criminal trial aka Due Process under the 14th Amendment. So if you’re ever facing criminal charges for allegedly being a low life, just know that you have the right to request a “Brady disclosure”. This is America dammit, a country founded on laws protecting us against the direct vote of the mass stupidity of our peers, and the vast overreach of a corrupt government: It’s OK to get a little excited. Happy July. 🧨
Sincerely,
The Unwitting Memoirist
P.S. See also “Brady Cops”, and “Brady list”
*quoted from Joe Patrice. “Man Calling Libraries And Masturbating To A Supreme Court Opinion.” Above the Law, 2021. Web.
July 25, 2021
The god of Momentum
If I’m gonna be a tad bit worldly here, I’m gonna say that if I didn’t believe in God, there is nothing that I would revere or respect more than something I call the god of Momentum.
I’ve had roommates for most of my life; and looking back, I can’t see how that actually happened, but I remember at one point contemplating a smoking roommate. Would I want a roommate who smoked? I didn’t actually care, and I wanted to be cool like that. The problem was, that I’d been living long enough to imagine the possibility of ok’ing a smoking roommate, under the condition that it be done out of doors, only for them to agree then proceed to smoke:
-Right outside my window.
-Like a chimney, at all hours of the night, so now I’m scared in my room to hear the opening and closing of the front door at 2, 3, 4AM, all hours of the day.
-Crack, weed or crystal meth or, what? Vaping. You said no smoking, this is vaping; this is a vape.
-Right in front of the neighbors’ door or window, and now we’ve got complaining neighbors.
Then I’d proceed to erase my whole Craigslist ad and put in large screaming letters
NO SMOKERS OR SUBSTANCE ABUSERS OF ANY KIND!
I once had an ex-roommate friend who found out her roommate was shooting up heroin for finding spoons and needles throughout the apartment. See, I said; this wouldn’t have happened if you asked for tidy roommates only. I told her.
Even when I lived crazy, before God for most of my life, I always had a limit–a natural respect for going too far. I’d say, no, I wouldn’t do a 3some or anything because then what? What’s after that? I’d think, OK, this guy’s hitting on me for sex but then what? What’s after that? Even then as an outta control smoker myself, I had a proper respect for what I knew I couldn’t control. The next level of out of control lying just in wait.
Sometimes you gotta put things in place just to have the parameter there. Not necessarily because you’re “for it” per se, but because of momentum. Human nature is unique not for its ability to reason, but for its ability to deny its own evil and call that reason. You get the ball rollin’ on your guilt, for women, blacks whites or whatever, and suddenly you’ve created an angry Ego Monster that you cannot criticize or say no to. A little toleration for homosexuality becomes full-on Sodom, stealing children, the world a great big vagine and penis pounding into your head, swapped and cut off and switched by mad, weird science. A little censoring and now you’re running, sprinting from the barreling weight behind you of bone-crushing ‘cancel culture’ and the flattening of your God-given First Amendment rights to free speech. You put a little mask on in January 2020 and suddenly you can’t breathe but you still can’t take it off in July 2021 and now the kids, it never stops this momentum, until it crushes you. Give ’em an inch … as the saying goes.
So it was just easier to say that I didn’t want a roommate who smoked even though I didn’t care even though I guess I did. It was much easier than trying to outthink a million possibilities I had no idea about or control over because I’m not God, and that could always find a way to detour around my wobbly-kneed indecision and inability to be honest and firm from the outset, because that’s the devil.
SMOKING OK, BUT MAKE SURE YOU GO OUT OF THE HOUSE 256 PACES TAKE A RIGHT THEN A LEFT INTO THE WOODS. AND THEN SMOKE. (oh s**t no, what if they smoke in the woods then toss the lit butt and the whole woods goes on fire then they tell the fire department it was because of my smoking rules???!)
You just gotta say no most times. Because contrary to popular belief it’s actually much easier than saying a yes that requires another yes and then another and another, until now you can’t walk it back because you’ve got the ball rollin …
Sincerely,
The Unwitting Memoirist
July 17, 2021
Paying For It
Awhile back, I read a really disgusting but interesting book called Paying For It by Chester Brown, a graphic novel about the author’s experience as a “professional john”. And if you don’t know what being a professional john entails, here’s a rough outline:
Wake up,
Order some p***y
Go to sleep. Repeat Mon-Sun. It’s a graphic novel, so in case you need some graphics to go with it.
What’s cool about the book though, if I can remember, is the discussion about things like criminalization and decriminalization, and the origins of romantic Love with the Troubadours and how, really, Romantic Love all ends with a book of a “professional john” talking in bed to a prostitute about the history of Romantic Love. Unreasonable expectations. Brown at the time was a john in Canada, which allowed interesting interpretations of prostitution: for example, “in-call” prostitution where you go to her place wasn’t allowed, but “out-call”, where she comes to your place or hotel was, or something like that.
I remember going on the Reeperbahn for the first time in Hamburg Germany’s red-light district, and being utterly shocked. Behind a kind of cordoned off area in a narrow alleyway were a group of women with fanny packs and “moon boots” quietly yet openly soliciting men for sex. My ex-boyfriend who was German told me it was legal. They pay taxes, he told me. They pay taxes! I screamed, as if nothing drove the point home more in my American mind or made me more shocked that prostitutes paid taxes.
What I think I’m roughly getting at here I think is how a society, like America, is paying for it, right. We’re now paying getting paid to get screwed. What I notice about a lot of godless countries and societies, there is a centralized parent-like government playing God and so falsifying and demeaning that society or country. Socialism, communism, if you will. In North Korea men spend the day drinking, gambling smoking and playing table games, while the women are heads of households, working all day while still being expected to look like women in skirts and dresses, performing the work of a man, while the man gets the praise. In places like Germany and Canada, governments become also false gods, moral arbiters, ironically demoralizing society with the acceptance of abnormality such as selling sex because, really, they’re just spiritually bankrupt johns as well whose bottom line is to pimp you out too. And as America ramps up to another round of free money for Americans to depend on, while they regulate the attack of God and Christianity and the legality of homosexuality and acceptance of blame and cancel culture and “sex” work, our society collapses in Sodom and liberalism that doesn’t work for the governing of a society, and we’re paying for it. Because the thing is, that you can’t regulate God and the wrong thing. The thing is that prostitution is dangerous exactly because it’s wrong. That’s the natural laissez-faire regulation for prevention. For Paying For It.
Sincerely,
The Unwitting Memoirist
July 16, 2021
Chasing Racism: A Tale of Two Karens
Picture it, Sicily Jersey 2021, a Nigerian woman haunts a white woman with the ghost of her own whiteness all around a Victoria’s Secret. The white woman is spontaneously combusting–it’s like Blair Witch, we don’t know how she got here, the camera just switched on to her screaming, crying, not to be recorded, then a flawless faint in the checkout line while the Nigerian woman continues to record her, zapping her strength. Perhaps the Coltan used to power cell phones mined in the African Congo is the white woman’s kryptonite.
We see the white woman swipe at the camera at one point, reversing the camera angle, the Nigerian woman suddenly running backward while still managing to record the white woman like some weird hillbilly tornado storm chaser. But the Nigerian woman insists someone call security because a woman has “tried” to attack her continuously, while chasing the very self-same woman all over a woman’s lingerie store because the Nigerian woman insists that she just came for some free panties. She proceeds to explain her behavior by pulling out and showing us a free panties coupon from Victoria’s Secret. As-salamu alaykum she says to a passer-by. Call security the Nigerian black woman says, call the police, the white woman does, so that when he shows up the white woman can scream cry in the poor man’s face, while the Nigerian cusses him out for his whiteness and some perceived imaginary scenario in only her mind where he would definitely be already arresting her if she were … the Nigerian black woman cussing out a police and camera-phone harassing another woman around a lingerie store? Yeah, you would’ve arrested me if I was the aggressor, she says as an aggressor. As she walks away from the police to continue recording the white woman across the way at the entrance who suddenly begins wigging out again at being recorded again.
This is the tale of two Karens: a behaviorally impaired white woman who, it turns out, is studying to be a preschool teacher; and an equally nutty disrespectful and antagonizing Nigerian “strong black woman” who has since raised some 30-odd thousand dollars on GoFundMe for, apparently, looking high and low for racism, and then pulling an: a like, oh my god when she didn’t find it. In short, (Nigerian) scamming.
Listen, man, a (white) male caller says on a radio show as he’s asked to comment on the situation; I been married for over 20 years and mostly all women are Karens. I’d venture to take it a step further to say that all the world’s currently a Karen. It really is viral.
Sincerely,
The Unwitting Memoirist
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